the other s

Without permission I am just translating here an entry from sombody claiming to be a 30 year old woman from Madrid who decided to be identified by s - just as I did:
In asocial she writes:

"Who does not integrate into or connect to the social body."

This is the definition of the word asocial according to the RAE (Real Academia Española), I believe it to be quite fitting for my character. It does not matter whether I like the persons in question, whether I am interested in them for the one or other reason, I always end up seeking the distance, even if I would wish to come closer, I become quiet even if I want to talk, in the end it is as if something inside me said, as soon as they know you a little they will get weary, you basically do them a favor - and thoughts of that sort, so that I end up being correct, but effectively cold, without allowing me a chance with those persons who, sad for them, have shown a certain interest for me.

Have you ever felt this feeling not to have anything to do with mostly nobody, to hardly have a point to connect? I would like to change but I am afraid that it is already late for this, being almost 30 the horizon does not seem very open.